There is an unspoken rule among friends, you don’t say you hate their girlfriend or boyfriend.
You cant.
A. The person will not listen to you.
B. The person will be pissed at you… or have some awkward tension.
Rarely does a friend say, “You are right, I am ending this relationship”
It does not happen that way.
Ever.
Most people do not out right say it. Most people do not say “he is a pompous ass, please dont date him” Most people hint at their disgust. They get short at the significant other’s failures/faults. They get angry when that person is hanging out.
And it is worse, when people do not out right say “I hate your significant other.” It is worse because the tension is unspoken. We both know you hate him/her. We both know. But instead of coming to terms with the unspoken agruement, someone gets cut out of the relationship.
Basically friend cannot hang out with boyfriend/girlfriend.
Basically friend gets to spend less and less time with friend.
It sucks all the way around.
Basically your options are to support your friend, regardless of the asshole/bitch. Support your friend without saying a damn thing.
It makes me laugh, after well over a year I am still hearing how friend X, Y, Z hated my Ex Boyfriend. I keep saying I WISH SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME. And the thing is, people did tell me. In subtle ways, and in not so subtle ways. Friends who have never expressed their disapproval, expressed disapproval. I did not listen. And even if all my friends gathered together and had an intervention, I still would not listen.
I never listen.
Its just the things I lost that worry me.
An old roommate told me today that he hid in his room because he hated my Ex. I never knew that. Old friends stopped being friends. Partly because the Ex was jealous. Partly because he was a douche. I didnt know that.
And you know, my friends tell me now. New guy X, Y, Z is a douche. But I dont care. I appreciate their honestly, but I am going to do what I want.
Its nice to have it out in the open though.
Its funny.
Nothing helps.
I have a best friend who married an asshole. I cried at her wedding because I hated him. I cried and I was a bridesmaid. She stopped calling me for a year. She stopped answering my phone calls.
That hurt.
But I understood.
Things have gotten better. I do not even hint how I hate him now. We talk on the phone sometimes now.
But the thing is… when or if she ever needs to call me, I will still be there.
I wont be their to celebrate her husband’s birthday. I wont be their sleeping on her couch with that dick head around. But I will be there when she needs me. I will be there when she decides to end it and be herself (if that ever happens).
Thats all you can do.
Be there for your friend.
If you value the friendship, you can wait.
And I will wait forever for her to leave him.
And I expect you, my friend, to let me make my own mistakes…
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